


The Chill of Sleep

by denna5



Series: Winterhawk Week Drabbles [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, M/M, Memory Alteration, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4862399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 4-Cold<br/>James shares with their hawk a part of his past.<br/>Part of Jagged Pieces, a moment in the time Clint was with Natasha and James</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chill of Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> So this takes place within the world of one of my series Jagged Pieces but you can read it without reading all of that. What you need to know is that when Clint was sent to kill Natasha, she wasn't alone, the winter soldier was with her and instead of switching sides or killing Clint, they broke him and wiped him to keep him. This is a few months after Clint is finally theirs and just a little snapshot of a talk between James and Clint.

The room is warm, the heater turned on, and James sits next to Clint right now, both of them with warm cups in their hands. They have only been back here for a little while, out of the cold for just a bit, and it is taking time to warm back up. They have changed out of the clothes they wore during the mission, clothes that were damp from the drizzle outside, and that has helped a lot but James still watches Clint closely, looks to see if there is any sign that the cold has affected him in ways that simply warming up cannot help. Their hawk is strong and though he has been broken and remade, it wasn’t exactly the same as they were. There is no formula running through his veins, he is still so very human, and sometimes James wonders if that should be changed. It is something he and Natasha can decide on later, something that can be seen to if needed, but for now he simply sits close to him as they both warm up and wait for the widow to return from her debriefing.

“Are you warm now?”

James asks, leans just a little closer to Clint who nods and takes a sip of his tea. He gives him a bit of a smile as he speaks after a moment and James thinks about how he is smiling for them more now that they no longer have to break him.

“I can feel my fingers again. They were pretty numb for a while, feel a bit tingly now but not stiff anymore.”

He holds up one hand now, wiggles the fingers around for James to see. James puts his cup down before catching them, before running his fingers over Clint’s. He doesn’t move his hand away like he may have months ago, instead lets James touch them, look them over. There is no sign of damage and he lets them go after a moment, picks his tea back up and takes his own drink as Clint goes back to his cup again. A few moments pass in quiet before Clint speaks again.

“You don’t like it much, do you?”

The question is asked but James isn’t quite sure what Clint is referring to, looks over at him, and Clint keeps talking after just a moment.

“The cold. It doesn’t affect you much but you still don’t like being in it, do you? I see how you were today, tense the whole time, different than it is for other missions that we have done, the ones not in the cold. You don’t like it. Why?”

There is curiosity in his voice and James is not surprised by it, not surprised that he notices James’s dislike of the cold. He sees a lot, they are noticing that, and they do not mind for the most part, just try to make sure he does not see anything that would make him doubt his place beside them now. This is just a part of James and he does not mind sharing it with his hawk now that he belongs to them.

“I used to spend a lot of time in the cold, used to be forced into a tube, into ice to sleep. Sometimes, I was there for days, sometimes even longer, sometimes years. It was nothing but cold and dark and dreams. It was not pleasant.”

James remembers the cold, the dark, the broken dreams and though some of the dreams may have been nice, he doesn’t remember them, only really remembers the cold. It is something that he has only shared with Natasha before, something that only she really knows, that he dreamed in the cold, but he tells Clint now. They may keep his own past away from him now but he can know theirs, know them in ways that they have only known each other before. Clint is looking at him right now, curiosity still in his eyes but also something that looks like sympathy and his voice is filled with it as he asks another question.

“Was it a punishment?”

James thinks about the question for just a moment before answering. He was never really told why he was put to sleep, he just was but he knows that not being put to sleep now is considered a reward just as having his widow and hawk is.

“I think sometimes it was and others it was just done because they weren’t sure where to keep me. It does not happen anymore, has not happened for a long time. It is not needed now.”

"Why was it needed before?”

Another question and James does not hesitate in answering, wants their hawk to know what few do.

“Because I used to try to run but there isn’t anything to run to. I learned that long ago but now I have something worth keeping.”

He is speaking of his widow, of his hawk, and he leans closer to Clint, takes a kiss now. Clint lets it happen, pulls away after just a moment and James gives him a bit of a smile before standing up now, deciding to change the subject from the past.

“She will be home soon, I should make something to eat. Want to help?”

Clint gives a nod, brings his cup with him and follows James to the small kitchen. They make a meal as they wait for Natasha to return and once she does, they share it with her. It is a quiet evening, just the three of them, and when they rest, James lays next to them, feels their heat. He is warm and doesn’t have to go into the cold anymore and he will keep it that way.


End file.
